[1] Hello, Auntie, I’m Priya, a single 30-year-old from Lohas Park. Up until now, I have devoted my life to my academics and my career, but now that I want to meet the love of my life, I am finding it difficult to connect with the people I adore. Have I established myself as a separate entity and begun to appreciate my own company? What is preventing me or obstructing my thoughts? How do I approach men and keep my ego aside? I’m concerned that I won’t find love again. Why am I unable to meet anyone?
Dear Priya,
You sound career-oriented, that’s very good, being independent is a sign of confidence and it complements your experience. The studies and career you have chosen are in accordance with your interests and goals. Keep it up!
Apparently, now you seem to realize it’s time to meet the man of your dreams, and making connections is important. First of all, try to understand yourself and the qualities you possess, as well as what kind of partner you want to share your life with and what you wish to offer, and what you wish to receive in return.
At the same time making the right connections is proving difficult and frustrating that’s understandable. You think you are building space for yourself, but as a matter of fact, you are not.
It also appears your success is creating a big ego. Therefore, when you happen to meet a person, listen to him attentively and get to know him rather than talking only about yourself.
A lifelong relationship is cemented by each other’s trust, care, and affection, while a career supports your style of living. You will surely find a good person of your choice who is compatible and caring. Keep your thoughts and beliefs rational. Be open and frank in your communications with the person you prefer. Hold on to positive thoughts. hope for love, pray for love, wish for love. Best wishes.
[2] My name is Krisha (name changed). I’m married and approaching my forties. It was an arranged marriage, and I accepted my current husband wholeheartedly. We’ve been married for almost 7 years. I had no idea my husband didn’t want to have a physical relationship with me until the third day of our wedding. I began sleeping in a separate bedroom from the start. I want to save my marriage so I am keeping quiet. As a result of this circumstance, I am in a no-strings-attached relationship with another man. Life is just going on. I’m not sure whether to stay in this dull marriage because my spouse is a decent man or whether I should leave him and start a new life.
Dear Krisha,
Intimacy and spousal relationships are natural issues of your marriage, and you have every right to seek them. Your feelings need for love, and relationships are being deprived. Hence, your marriage is boring to the point of being unacceptable.
Is your husband open to you? Did he explain his reasons? Considering your husband’s good character and your desire to save your marriage, you better encourage him to consult a professional counselor.
In any case, if he refuses to seek help, does not care about you, does not love you, or if you no longer wish to live such a life with him, you may decide to separate from him. Before you make a serious decision, it is a good idea to seek marriage counseling. Best wishes.
[3] Dear Aunty, I am happy to see you return. My name is Minty, and I live in TST. I’ve created a home-based catering business. As a result, my working hours are unusual, but I am pleased with the results. My friends and hubby miss the witty, chatty, and always ready to dance in the party person that I used to be. I’m incredibly fatigued and exhausted, and I don’t want to go out anymore. I don’t have a consistent sleep and work schedule, and I don’t have time to exercise. How can I live in both worlds and be happy?
Dear Minty,
If you are in the catering business due to financial need or a hobby? Prioritize your need then learn to balance your personal life.
Please note your family life is equally important. Make a schedule, allocate your time for catering, and inform your clients of your time schedule. Be honest with your family about your needs and feelings. Hope they will understand and cooperate with you and include you in your social life.
[4] Nirav from Tung Chung here. I work remotely in the IT industry in Hong Kong. It implies that even if my HK-based company sponsors my employment visa, I can operate remotely from anywhere in the world as long as I stay in touch with my core team.
My wife works in an office and cannot accompany me on my international travels. And I don’t want to travel without my wife and my 11-year-old daughter because it doesn’t feel right in my heart, even though I want to visit new places. Please advise me on how to approach this issue.
Dear Nirav,
Your top priorities are your wife’s career and your daughter’s education. I realize that although your employment visa is sponsored by a company situated in Hong Kong, you can work remotely from anywhere in the globe as long as you stay in touch with your core team. It appears that you are depriving your family of normal family life simply because you want to fulfill your urge to travel and because you have the flexibility at work.
The best option would be to stay put in Hong Kong and work regular hours. It should not be your objective to take your family on business vacations around the world. Don’t let irrational feelings steal your family’s happiness. If you wish to travel to other places plan a family vacation.
[5] Dear Aunty, I am a school-going girl, Sasha (name changed). Recently I have noticed that I am not able to accept my body and I feel distressed in so many ways. I am a brown-skinned Indian girl and I have lots of body hair. I see a lot of KPOP videos and these girls look so beautiful. They are so perfect. Why can’t I be like them? My parents help me overcome the negative thoughts by saying that I am beautiful inside and out for them. But as I get older, I am not liking myself much when I look in the mirror. I look around other girls in HK and I feel I am not fair, or attractive as them. I have stopped wearing clothes where my body hair is visible. I eat less as I do not want to look fat. I don’t like going outdoors as I feel my skin will get tanned. Please tell me how I should not think about it and focus on other things.
Dear Sasha,
There are many people who struggle in a similar manner regardless of their age, color, gender, or status. You’re wise enough to realize you don’t have to worry so much about how you look and what others think of you. It will amaze you how powerful self-acceptance can be.
Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to improve every day. While you should appreciate others for who they are, you shouldn’t discourage yourself, because they will also find many values in you that they may not find in them. You are blessed to be cared for, loved, and supported by your parents. You will soon realize the wisdom your parents have imparted to you about the beauty within. In addition, focus on the positive aspects of yourself such as your personality traits, talents, and skills. Consider looking into your wardrobe, and wear decent trendy clothes.
If embracing your body hair isn’t an option for you then consider removing it by the latest laser technique which has advanced significantly over the years so there are plenty of safe options available for removing unwanted body hair. Waxing and shaving remain popular methods but more permanent solutions like laser hair removal are becoming increasingly popular as well. Laser hair removal typically requires six sessions over the course of four to six weeks. Laser hair removal may be worth considering if you’re serious about getting rid of excess body hair once and for all. Best wishes beautiful soul within.
[6] My name is Arvind. I am a retired 64-year-old man who constantly feels neglected by my wife and children. I’ve worked hard my entire life to provide for them. I am a principled individual who has led a disciplined life as a government employee. While my children were growing up, I was always strict with them. They listened to what I had to say and respected all of my judgments. I acted in a certain way because I believed they should have a bright future. They must have decent values and etiquette, as well as a good education. They are now all successful people. They don’t need me and hardly speak to me. They also live away from me in different cities for work. They hardly call me once a month. They do not take my permission for things that are important. My wife usually takes my children’s side. She ignores me like I am a piece of furniture in the house. She does not want to go out with me because she believes I constantly whine. Is this just me or it is natural to feel at this age? I see my other friends who are happy even if their children don’t live with them. Please advise what should I do to ignore them. I never felt like this until I was working and earning. I am growing old and I do not want to live the rest of my life complaining and feeling angry all the time.
Dear Arvind,
You feel continually ignored, neglected, and avoided by your family, and they never ask your permission. While your other friends are happy, you are not. I am glad you don’t want to live a life of complaints and anger that’s a good start.
As a father, you provided for your children’s needs, disciplined them, and taught them good values that have guided them to where they are today.
Your children are without a doubt grateful to you, but they may not know how to express their gratitude. While it is true that you are suffering from emotional pain, your distress may be caused by insecure feelings, irrational beliefs, and negative thoughts about yourself and others. Share your feelings with your wife and ensure her you will not complain instead look at life positively, recalling your past good days is the best solution, cherish those treasured memories by looking at old photo albums and refresh your old days you will laugh at seeing the changes over the years.
Pick up the phone and tell your children how much you miss them and are happy for them wherever they are and bless their future.
Children will also feel the same, and there will be healthy communication leading to a renewed bonding. Be busy learning what you’re interested in, teaching what you know, and sharing your experiences with others who could benefit. Volunteering to help others is also an option. You will find many people of your age who are energetic, optimistic, and active. You aren’t retired, tell yourself. Many people will benefit from you, and you will be a blessing to them. Stay happy and healthy.
If you ever need any advice or counseling, come to Aunty for help. Please email your questions to adesiflava@gmail.com with the subject line: Aunty MVP.
In Love, Light & Healing
Poonam V Mehta
President
(M. Ed. Guidance & Counselling)
Educator & Counsellor
Be the Change HK Ltd
Reg: under section 88
MOB: 9235-6628
www.bethechangehk.org
