From personal interactions to social influences, we’ve taken a multitude of labels and knowingly or unknowingly made that our identity. Let’s understand how that affects us and what we can do to shift it.
One fine morning, you go to a shop, pick up a box, read the label it has..
What does a label do?
Very simply put, it helps us identify something.
What happens if there are lots of labels on that box?
It’s confusing!
What happens now if there are not just too many labels, but they’re all saying different things and put by different people?
It’s impossible to tell what is actually inside.
This is what happens with not just boxes but people too. We label everything around us—be it a book we own that’s labeled with our name or a relationship that we are still nurturing and yet feel the need to label so it can fall within a specific category.
Labels were created to help identify the object for what it was intended for and lessen confusion. When there may be an aisle full of jars, labels are helpful for easy and correct identification. However, labeling became a game that everyone decided to play and labeling everything and everyone around is when the chaos started.
A child is born with utmost curiosity, is full of love and laughter, has complete belief in the self, and fears nothing. They are eager to learn and are happy to stand up and fall down a hundred times if that’s what it takes to learn how to walk. Their curiosity sparks their learning and that coupled with their experiences develops their personality. They state their likes and dislikes clearly and distinctly and embrace every person with pure love. As children are growing up, they are beginning to be labeled as a good or bad person, and every action and step towards self-discovery starts being labeled. These labels are often even simply formed through assumptions, such as if a child takes some time to feel comfortably to speak to someone they may be called ‘introverted’ or ‘shy’, or when at a young age they are learning to understand their emotions and their brains are still learning regulation and impulse control, yet they are already given repeated labels of being ‘stubborn’ or ‘angry’. Hearing these labels repeatedly at an impressionable age makes them believe these are permanent traits of their personality.
Now as the same child grows to be a teenager and then a full-grown adult, we wonder where all that self-belief disappears as the conversation slowly creeps around elements of self-doubt, anxiety, and a fear of what other people would think. We are born with a complete connection to who we are. We are a blank slate or a simple plain box that is yet to figure out their personality and accordingly set a title for themselves. However, as we keep growing, we keep hearing labels.
“Too thin” “Too fat” “He is shy” “She is lazy” “What a nerd” etc, etc.
Our raw minds often keep taking in these labels, especially when they come from people we see in a position of authority or respect such as our parents or teachers. Soon the labels keep piling and the opportunity to truly discover who we are gets lost and we start conforming to these labels.
These labels, passed as idle comments by another, become life-defining for this little kid, the labels frames their personality as they grow. The thing to consider now is, was it worth it? What we may have said in a vulnerable moment or simply to make conversation can affect another person’s life and how they frame their personality and self-perception.
With different roles come different labels as well, whether that is the label of a ‘Super Mom’ or the ‘Macho Man’ label which is so often given. As you read any of these titles or labels, you may immediately have a corresponding picture pop up in your mind. If the label is that of a Super Mom, your mind will quickly go to the postcard Mother’s Day image of a woman with hundreds of hands managing all her household chores, office work and all her other roles and responsibilities with a smile on her face. If it’s that of a Macho Man, it’s the man who does it all. He is forever working hard to give his family the best lifestyle and putting his needs and emotions on the back-burner. Have we ever sat back and thought of the subliminal pressure these sort of labels cause though?
They not only frame the personality of the person they’re awarded to but have become a complete societal construct of how we perceive a given gender and the roles expected of them. Burn-out, guilt, suppression and self-doubt are just a few of the negative side effects of people struggling to justify the label.
A label is an identifying tag and just the way we read a food label and believe it by its title, people walk around life justifying the weight of these labels. Judgments and expectations are also subtly interwoven into the label because when a person walks with their label shining bright, that’s the first thing even a stranger sees, believes and expects.
Oftentimes the labels become so overwhelming that the person beneath it is lost, people struggle to see beyond the labels and what’s worse is the person scrambles to find out who they really are.
However, is this worth it?
Are labels necessary?
And can one label really fit all?
We think absolutely not!
Labels are often given in a haste, without the realization that while a label is extremely easy to put, it’s very difficult to peel off. Just think of how quick and easy it is to put a label on a box or gift, just a matter of a few seconds, however what happens when it’s the wrong label? It’s a much more monumental task to remove and it’s very likely to damage a part of the box or paper it was put on if you are to take it off. And so, just like that we either stick with the label and decide to keep it or re-write on it or damage the box/paper as we remove it.
However, now as we realize most labels are redundant or we’ve just often either been mislabeled or outgrown that phase of our life or personality, hence is it worth keeping those old, incorrect labels and carrying their weight now? It is time we look within, introspect and redefine those labels!
Let’s really get to know ourselves, love and define ourselves beyond judgments and fears. The journey within may take a little bit of a nudge but it is worth it! We expect people to be kind, loving, respectful to us and prioritize us. But if we don’t think we are worth that self love and introspection and have never prioritized ourselves, why should they? It is only once we make this journey inward that we can manifest those elements outwards in our relationships and lives. So let’s see how we can do that.
Think back to who you are. If not defined by your roles, titles, or labels you took in from childhood up until now, when you think of just who you believe you are and what defines you, do you know the answer?
If not, then now it’s time to look underneath all those labels to find out your true potential and self because labels are meant to help understand another better, and not the other way around! Connect to your true self and then wear that label proudly!
I know it is easier said than done, so here’s a few pointers I have to share as a professional empowerment coach to get you started:
Close your eyes and with a couple of deep breaths, breathe in self-love and acceptance and breathe out all labels, fears and judgments. Decide to let go of the labels and with every breath out just release them. Repeat this a couple of times till you feel lighter.
Sit down with a piece of paper and assess your weaknesses and strengths and decide to accept them all. Till we avoid either (the good or the bad) we are in denial with a part of ourselves. See both your good and bad traits, your strengths and weaknesses and decide which you wish to water and grow into the dominant energy of your life. Always remember, the grass is greener where you water it more.
Consciously choose to release judgment towards yourself and others. It may take time and practice but take conscious steps towards not passing unnecessary judgemental comments.
Practice Affirmations: Say them like you mean them and choose the labels and goals you wish to work towards in your life.
Let’s move towards a loving and non-judgemental society where labels are reserved for jars and not people!