It’s a significant and life-impactful issue with deeper roots underlying tangled traditional beliefs and modern-day basic requirements. Basically, a Titan’s clash between the modern world and Ritualistic olden days.
As women are the epitome of strength and durability, they are considered “Janani,” the creator of life. Not only does Indian Culture worship them, but also treats them equally as goddesses. As born warriors, we must fight male discrimination, social restrictions, gender differences and fight for our mere existence. As individuals, we are always dependent on our caretakers. Before marriage it’s our parents and after a lawful wedding, our husbands. We even lose our basic identity as we are bound to change our surnames (Some cultural following also assign new names to brides). Modern day women are successful and independent. Still, most of them depend on our own cultural backgrounds and there are some rules to be followed without question. One of such ethical regulations includes accepting the surname of your soulmate, that is your husband, for your whole life. After this maternal engagement, everything goes through unavoidable circumstances; surname acceptance is the supreme priority out of all.
Although our previous wars were well fought and won with self-respect and a positive approach, this issue still is an underlying reality. The acceptance of surname is a standing ovation to our cultural backgrounds and traditional beliefs. Society and families believe that when a woman changes her surname to her husband’s, the marriage is completely sealed. It acts as the sacred tie that makes the woman and her husband one. This also lets go of any doubt that the newlyweds are not facing any problems in their marital life.
Whether it’s before or after you tie the knot, the question of changing your name will likely come up at some point. A potential name change can be a touchy subject to discuss with friends, family, and your spouse. In fact, some wedding gifts and well wishes may be made out to you with the assumption you’ll change your name. But ultimately, the decision is up to you.
Keep your surname or change it, it’s an individual’s decision as per necessities and commitment towards consensual marriage terms. This option continues to grow in popularity. It’s also the least complicated choice. If you’re both keeping your last names, there’s no need to stress about updating personal, legal, and financial documents. Let’s consider essential things that need to be considered while going through a legitimate name change for brides. First and most important is the approval from both parties to take a firm decision for making the surname change a legal agreement. It shouldn’t be a foundation or forceful act. Other than those following points can be taken into consideration.
You don’t have to go through the name change process, and it won’t affect you professionally. In fact, if you’ve already established your career, keeping your name supports your well-known reputation. The ultimate purpose of life is to attain happiness, if your heart and soul are satisfied with this decision, go ahead, and accept your husband’s surname for a lifelong. This can rule out many future complications such as; the name you choose to keep or take, affects your family, including any future children you may have. What works for you as a couple may not work as well for your family. It is a compressed issue as per individual family’s experience. It can lead to positive or negative feedback from different opinions expressed.
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On the other hand, having a different last name from your children can make travel, hospital visits, and school pick-ups more of a hassle than having the same surname. Certain situations may require you to prove your marriage is legitimate. For example, you may need to present your marriage certificate if your partner becomes ill and you want to make healthcare decisions on their behalf. It won’t affect your professional life, but you’ll have the same last name as any child with your partner. Having two names may be difficult to keep track of. Explaining this to employers, clients, and business acquaintances may become tedious. For some, taking their husband’s last name simply serves to solidify the commitment. It’s a gesture that leaves no room for doubt—changing their surname after marriage shows they’re all in. For others, taking their husbands’ surname is more about the status of the family unit.
There are plenty of options for you to consider when changing your name. It’s no longer the cut-and-dry case of a bride changing her given name to match the groom. Instead, many couples embrace new and unique alternatives. Before you decide, reflect on the different name change options and how a name change affects your life going forward. Keep your surname professionally. You may have built your career or business around your name. If so, keeping your professional identity separate from your married identity may be the way to go. You might change your name legally but continue to use your given name professionally.
I would like to remind my fellow females that we are the epitome of immense strength and agility. Indian culture depicts us as the creators, and all mothers can conquer the world. I am a living example myself of surname replacement after wedding bells. Before marriage, I was “Manju Sharma,” which eventually got replaced by Manju Mishra. My identity has been modified formally not only on papers but in my practical life too. Well known in society as Mrs. Mishra (many people don’t even know my first name). This process was not a burden or restriction for me, as I willingly took my husband’s surname for better prospects. Many women like me are happy in this namespace and enjoy being Mrs.
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Women who take their spouse’s last name do so for various reasons, from wanting to embrace tradition to being concerned that children will end up confused or unhappy if the parents have different last names. Still, more women today keep their last names after marriage, and both men and women are becoming progressively more open to alternatives. As per current situation, the number of women who keep their names after marriage are increasing. Highly-educated, high-earning women are more likely to keep their last names after marriage. They are primary bread earners at home, so, they choose their own path and the rest of the family follows. Times are changing for good, I suppose.
Key Takeaways from this article are summed up like this. A woman is a decision-maker, she has full right to choose her future path, with what identity and in what terms she would like to lead her life. It is not a necessity or legal privilege for spouses to decide and change their surnames or names as per choice, Cause as someone said, “what is there in name.” Finally, as per the current situation, most married women still take their husbands’ names. However, around half of name-takers keep their maiden name as a middle name, which functions as a secondary surname. Basic reasons enlisted for name change are the persistence of patriarchal power, whether that was obvious to the couples or not and the whole ideal of the ‘good family.’ The sense that having the same name as your partner symbolizes commitment, and this ties you and any potential children together as a unit. An Individual’s mindset and lifestyle go hand in hand, the commitment towards this pious engagement of two souls solidifies with the name change. Surely then it is a good change.
Keep Going Keep Growing.
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A.Desiflava took this opportunity to take opinions from some of our leading and powerful Hong Kong ladies;
Neha Pathak
(Publisher – A-Desiflava Magazine)
While the concept of taking a husband’s last name is ingrained in our culture and viewed almost as a rite of passage. As for me, the last name shouldn’t exist for either gender. The country I come from is known for its value, culture, and many more unremarkable things. However, it has a powerful patriarchal system. Because of the last name debate, a female fetus has been killed in the womb, and a woman must leave her parents’ house and stay with in-laws as it’s been told now her last name has been changed now this is her new life. The child’s last name should be the parents’ name because they are responsible for their child’s nurturing and future. So, the burden of carrying the illogical legacy will stop by this. The father’s and mother’s names should be the middle and last names. We need to change the system or legacy that is no more fruitful for women’s development.
Mrs.Poonam Mehta
(President – Be The Change HK, M.Ed. Guidance & Counselling)
Marriage is a life-long journey that thrives on love, commitment, trust, respect, communication, patience, and companionship.
~ Ashley and Marcus Kusi
As I was growing up, all I ever heard from my parents was that marrying within one’s community is regarded as respectful and reflects on the way parents have nurtured their children. When I married outside ‘the community,’ it shattered my father, and he could not accept an inter-caste marriage, most notably that of my husband’s surname. I could not question or reason with him at that time. I am not sure now that even keeping my maiden’s name would have made any difference to him. Anyway, I changed my husband’s family name as per tradition.
Years later, I realized we all tend to follow the old tradition that was commonly practiced and continuous today. On the other hand, many present generations believe it should be an optional choice. The question arises as to if a married couple deems to accept each other as equals, treat one another with respect and support then, should the husband be free or even be prepared to take his wife’s family surname?
It is considered optional for a woman to choose her post-marriage surname in Sri Lanka. A very good Sri Lankan friend of mine had never heard of a woman being forced to change their maiden’s name on marri
Most importantly, women in Sri Lanka would not be treated any differently should they not wish to use their husband’s surname. My friend reminds me that it has never been linked with her pride or respect. However, some traditional families want their family name to be taken forward with the birth of a son. Here, gender is a huge issue. These small symbolic gestures are accumulated like fine threads and seem to be woven into a larger tapestry in which men remain in the position of power and authority.
Furthermore, women often become accustomed to their birth name, and they take the utmost pride in it as it is closer to their hearts. This can remain the cornerstone of their identity for life. Without passing any judgment on the women who have already kept their own families’ names or who are willing to do so, I would like to put forward my personal feelings in this regard. Although I favor maintaining a maiden name, I believe it may confuse travel documents until it is widely accepted by all authorities concerned.
Having said the above, in some cultures, parents anxiously wait for their daughters to marry into a wealthy family with the expectation and wish for them to live happily forever afterward with their rich spouse. Nevertheless, parents sometimes marry daughters to unburden their parental responsibilities. So, where is the problem if women change to her husband’s surname on marriage? There is absolutely no harm.
To conclude, there are pros and cons; what’s in a name? It is a personal choice, and if the husband has no objection, then women should stay with your maiden’s name.
Good luck!
Gazal Chandra
(Senior Management Consultant)
According to me, the cliché, “What’s in a name?”, is used by many to justify name change after marriage. People argue that there is no harm in changing a name that was not even chosen by us at the time of our birth. The same logic should apply to men too but after marriage its’ the women who have to change their name whereas men have complete autonomy.
Our name is our identity and, to me it serves as the very basis of self-conception, especially in relation to others. Most women still have to change their name after marriage. One shouldn’t be expected to give it up just because of marriage. After all, we were born with a certain name, have lived years with that same name and are still the same person then why give it up!
I advocate for gender equality by emphasizing that the fundamental right to make a choice as an adult, is for both – men and women. The choice to change or not change name after marriage should be ours. It is not a law of the land, but a custom that’s been cultivated for so long that it had become a traditional belief. Deviation from a long practiced tradition is seen as an offence and our intentions are questioned. The ‘choice’ matters no more.
I agree that formative experiences play a huge role in our lives and amidst all these dynamics, it’s easy to forget the part played by our names. But to me, the most important anchorage to our self-identity throughout life remains our own name. Deep down in my heart, there is contentment and gratitude because saying “I do”, fundamentally, did not change the answer to the question “Who am I”. I was able to preserve my personal autonomy.
Devina Kapoor Bannerji
(Director – Redpeppers Entertainment HK)
What’s in a name? Nothing really or a whole lot? Let’s talk about first names first….It all depends on your perspective. Some folks attach a lot of importance to it and go to great lengths to choose names for their children, especially since they had no say in the choosing of their own first or second names, at birth ! Most of the urban, Gen X would fall into this category. Some even enlist the help of a pundit or priest to check the appropriate alphabet that the name must start from, according to the horoscope. My parents gave me and my brother two names: a nickname at birth, and then a ‘proper’ name just before we started kindergarten. My husband and I had chosen , after great deliberation, the name for our son and daughter, even before they were born. Some people , however choose names for their children only after birth. Last name’s on the other hand, can’t be chosen , since we are born with them and hence they deeply form a part of our identity as we grow up.
Growing up in various parts of India, within different cocooned Army cantonments, I was surrounded by aunties who had all changed their maiden surnames after marriage, quite happily, I might hasten to add. In my mother’s generation, it was pretty much taken for granted that a girl would do so-there really wasn’t much choice given in the matter. Traditionally, in the west as well, (the UK and US) women would take their husband’s surnames after marriage. In my generation however, in India and around the world, the trends have changed. As more and more girls have graduated from university and gone on to join the workforce, the questions have been asked: why do I need to change my surname? Can’t I keep my maiden surname? Why doesn’t he change his surname to mine?
I am of the opinion that women should be given the right to choose the surname that they want. Keeping your maiden surname is of course the least complicated choice. There’s no need to worry about updating personal, financial and legal documents. You don’t have to go through a name change process and it won’t affect you professionally. On the other hand, taking your husband’s surname is following the path of least resistance and is guaranteed to make your husband and in-laws fairly delighted. You become Mrs so n so and all is well. The documents do have to be changed, though . What to me is the perfect option is when you can combine both your maiden and married surnames by keeping your former name as a middle name, followed by the married one. That way, you don’t give up the identity that was your’s from birth and throughout your schooling and Uni life and also adopt the new one that comes with the beautiful union of a marriage. To my mind, that is truly the best of both worlds.
Pooja Laungani
(Bollywood Dance Choreographer and Certified Fitness trainer)
The topic of changing one’s last name after getting married has swayed significantly in the recent years. As with most things wedding-related, couples now feel empowered to adopt the traditions they connect with and skip the ones they don’t—the new bride changing her last name is the perfect example. Though earlier generations might not have thought twice about a woman changing her name shortly after marriage.
Old traditional customs had earlier made it almost mandatory for women to adhere to the change-in-surname rule so that they can be respectable members of society. It has always been believed that a woman’s identity is related to her husband and by only taking up his surname; the woman becomes a part of her husband’s family. Society and families believe that when a woman changes her surname to that of her husband’s, the marriage is completely sealed. It acts as the sacred tie that makes the woman and her husband one.
But today’s generation does not really believe in adopting this tradition. There could be a number of reasons like whether you have already established a professional career under your maiden name or you find the tradition archaic, there’s absolutely no rule that says you need to trade in your last name for a new one. In my opinion feminism is ultimately about giving women free choice. This means as long as they can decide what name they’d like (rather than it being forced on them by their partner or society), it shouldn’t matter whether that is in keeping with, or going against, patriarchal norms.
And if you are all for changing your last name, GO FOR IT!
Anisa Tan
(Life Coach & Motivational Speaker)
Because we just accepted this without questioning it until now, haha!
Honestly, this requirement to change a woman’s surname after marriage was never really challenged. It was just accepted culturally as there weren’t any other options. It was just part and parcel of the changes after getting married. I don’t even know a woman who chose to make zero name changes or a man who took one for the team. Emotionally, it symbolizes being part of a new family after marriage and makes sense for any children who will be part of the family, so we all identify as one family. I am yet to see a man and the children take on the mother’s surname, though!
Legally, it also makes sense and makes it easier to buy physical things like real estate or other assets while identifying as a married couple. The need for a woman to change her surname to the husband’s name, dates to medieval times, though, and it’s not a romantic reason at all. It symbolized the lack of recognition and power for women to own property or have full legal rights back in those times. So, while it is masked as romantic now, we can’t ignore the historical roots.
Some women do choose to keep both surnames now. Think about university transcripts, medical records, and the whole life of documents you must consider before your marriage. It is a one-sided, painful process that makes it even more complicated if a woman separates or is divorced. As a woman with no brothers, I did feel sad knowing that my own dad’s surname may someday disappear, but it’s great to see many women opting to keep both, and I can understand why.
Dr. Aditi Dubey
(Lecturer & Educationist)
Women have traditionally adopted their husbands’ family names upon marriage for various cultural, legal, emotional, and symbolic reasons. As an educator in the Hong Kong higher education sector spanning two decades, my own opinions on the issue have been shaped primarily due to professional concerns. In an era of personal brand identity and online presence, changing one’s surname can create a lot of confusion and misunderstanding if one has been known in their professional networks by their birth name before the name change.
Just the other day, I had an education provider message me to double-check my last name. “We would like to include your name in our promotional materials but don’t know if we should refer to you as ‘Dr. Aditi Jhaveri’ or ‘Dr. Aditi Dubey’”, the text query. It was a valid question because while I have been using my birth name ‘Aditi Dubey’ in all my social media accounts, I had started using my then married name ‘Aditi Jhaveri’ professionally. And unfortunately, since then, although I got divorced, the name stuck.
Why did I change my name in the first place, you may ask? That’s a long story, but in short, it would suffice to say that it had more to do with my ex than with me. Anyway, ‘Aditi Jhaveri’ is an old identity that spills into the present day, leading to unwanted outcomes. As an academic, one of the main problems I have faced has to do with research outputs (including citations and authorship), which are now under two different names instead of one. Therefore, recruiters and academic contacts who try to find me online get an incomplete picture of my roles and accomplishments instead of a consolidated professional profile.
Why don’t I change my name back to the original one and keep that for the future, you may wonder. Yes, that’s what I plan to do. But the hassle involved with applying for a name change for my passport, Hong Kong ID, bank cards, and all manners of other documents have kept me in a state of procrastination.
And in the meanwhile, I have also remarried…
In sum, as more women join the workforce and enjoy thriving careers, it would be useful to remind them that their name is what they will be known by in their industry and network. In effect, a cavalier attitude towards one’s name, i.e., ‘What’s in a name?’ could hurt women both professionally and economically. It’s time we took ourselves and our names more seriously.
Sharina Amarnani Chandnani
(Founder and CEO SkinCure Asia Limited, SkinCureasia.com)
For some, it’s a tradition followed by the teaching of our ancestors, but over time, the new generation is changing these customs.
Honestly, I have not changed my surname after marriage as being a Spanish citizen, we must obey our parents’ last name, as you Can’t change them- it’s your DNA, but husbands can be changed – ironically, it’s a fact.In my opinion, you should never give up on your own identity. Today, we have equality between genders. If not, why not ask your husband to change his last name.
Apeksha Hardik Mehta
(Educationist & Writer)
For many years, this tradition has been followed that after marriage, the woman will change her surname, which belongs to her father, and given to her since she is born to her husband’s surname. Though now many women would like to carry their father’s surname and are not willing to change their maiden name, the choice must be respected. However, I feel that the tradition of changing the surname gives the lady a sense of acceptance and responsibility that she is a part of the family and should not feel like an outsider. Women who take their spouse’s last name do so for various reasons, from wanting to embrace tradition, wanting a sense of fresh start of her identity, or being concerned that children will end up confused or unhappy if the parents have different last names. There can be a debate on which name children should follow. It can even be a problem if the family has some legal matters. Though one size does not fit all in this scenario, it’s the same way it should be one’s decision to carry on with their maiden name or with their husbands’ surname. After all, marriage is about mutual understanding and acceptance from both partners.
