Each issue, we invite readers to send us questions under anonymity about personal dynamics and relations. Here are 4 selected questions from those recently sent to us.
Hello Aunty, my name is Rekha and a resident of HK, I am 34 Years old. I have been following your tips very closely with the magazine and very happy to know you are back with them so sending the email to the team of Adesiflava hoping it reaches you. I am going through a rough patch in my life right now. I am expecting my second child but in-laws seem to be ignoring the fact that I might have mood swings so any single stupidest mistake is becoming a mountain of problems from their side which in turn is affecting me psychologically. I don’t know how to cope up with this neither my husband who is otherwise fine with me is not willing to listen. I have also tried to move to my parents’ house in India but there also the in-laws are trying to get me back to HK with their weird reasons. please help how to deal with this situation.
It is pleasing to know that my tips are valuable. Thank you. It is natural for a woman to go through mood swings during the pregnancy, your family should be aware that every woman goes through physical and emotional challenges throughout the prenatal and postnatal period. Right now you ought to be surrounded by caring and loving people. Please reason out with your husband about your feelings as well as with your in-laws.
If your feelings at this time are neglected it will affect the child. Request them to allow you to stay with your parents until the baby arrives as it in the best interest of the mother and child. All you need is their cooperation and understanding of your thoughts. I believe in the power of prayers. Pray for yourself and your in-laws too. There is no better counselor than the Lord who will direct them to think wisely and lovingly.
Hello Aunty Poonam, my name is Sujata, I am a resident of mid-levels Hk. I read about your column in the magazine long back and was happy to know that you are again back when their team got in touch with me, so that is why writing to you hoping you might have a solution for me. I am writing to you on behalf of my Nepali helper as she is not educated. Aunty would request you to help her or guide her in this situation. Her story goes like this, (Ganga ) came to Hk thru work visa from Nepal many years back and year after year with her work she proved to be a good worker, however, she met a Nepali guy and had a live-in relationship with him for many years.
The guy was working only on a temporary basis hence marriage was never on the cards. However, as time passed by my helper gave birth to a baby boy but being the unemployed youth her boyfriend refused to own it up neither get married to her. However, in the meantime, he got married to another girl and dumped my helper with the child. Occasionally he would visit the child and give some small pocket money to my helper also this went on for 5 years and now my helpers’ boyfriend wants to come back to her life and get married as the lady he married earlier ran away with someone else.
Although the guy has already processed the divorce papers with the girl he married now he wants to own it up and get married to my helper. Now she is in a fix whether to accept him back or to shove him away as he did to her. kindly suggest the best ways aunty so that I can help the poor lady who has been serving my family so well .thanks and regards
What happened to your helper is very unfortunate. Your concern for Ganga and your action to help her is very much appreciated. It appears her boyfriend is not stable in his relationship he may be clinging to her now because he has been dejected by other women. I hope it is not on the rebound. Life is much more than just dumping people as it pleases oneself. Ganga has done her best and should feel proud and free to move on with her life.
It’s a good time to regroup her thoughts and work to love and care for herself, instead of wasting her love and time on people who don’t appreciate her for what she is capable of bringing to a relationship. So far she has raised her child with love and care. In retrospect, Ganga should assess her own feelings for him. Has she forgiven him and will she be able to trust him rest of her life? Does she need to find out what is his motivation? If there is a clear understanding between them both and she is comfortable being with him then she should go ahead. The final decision is hers. If they reconcile the child will be very privileged to be raised by both parents.
Namastey Aunty, I hope this question reaches your desk this time so that u can help me in my life. I am Rashmi (name changed) a resident of Hk.I am 25 years old unmarried working girl. I am a very soft sensitive person and always willing to help people.H owever, for the past 6 months suddenly some depression pangs hit me very severely which is leading to profuse palpitations that are beyond my control.
Also, some uncanny sensations around me and makes me feel very insecure and I want to hide behind a pillow till the feeling subsides. I have undergone therapies and experts and although it has had been some help that is only temporary, I myself am not aware why it is affecting me have also changed my residence but somehow the fear is still there inside which is driving me insane . can u please suggest remedies for this.
You are experiencing internal insecurity leading to depressive and anxious feelings. Look into your thoughts pattern and do not dwell on any irrational thoughts. Talk to family members and close friends too. Continue good counselling and follow the treatment plan. Many people overcame through good guidance and self-cooperation. You too will overcome.
Go for a full medical checkup, this sudden disruption in your life could also be due to hormone disorder. Since you say you have undergone various therapies with professionals. I suggest to change your diet, In addition, meditation or yoga can help too.
Hello Poonam Aunty, happy to have you back again , my name is pooja and have been staying here in Hk for the last 5 years . i am in a relationship and wish to get married to the person very soon . However, as my parents live in india and due to some misunderstanding have stopped talking to me over the years . but for my special moment, I definitely wish to have them here . they have boycotted me from the family and now I dnt know how to deal with this I want my parents to know about the marriage before , can u pls help me how I can reach out to them ..thanks
I understand your desire to inform your parents of the joy for marrying a man of your choice. In spite, of their attitude towards you, blocking each other is not a good solution. Reconciliation and accepting each other’s shortcoming will restore relationship into strong establishments. It appears you still love them and you want them to rejoice in your decision and receive their blessings.
On the other hand, even if they have disowned you for years they are still your parents somewhere deep down they may be yearning to patch with you therefore, be bold to inform them and request them to grace the occasion and bless you both. If they respond that would be your good fortune. If they don’t at least you will not feel guilty. You can then freely go ahead with your wedding plans